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POEMS 1989 TO 2008 |
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Hydra
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The Yellow Apple
Dance I eat yellow apples
and you dance. I speak and you touch
me from inside. I walk and you follow. I rest and you awaken
me for more. You are with me always. You move in me with
grace. We are bond. You are not born. but we will never be this
close again. I eat yellow apples
and you dance. 1989
Face (Apples Revisited) Will you have it? My face Will you take mine? My face Will you kiss it? My face “How are you
today, my face?” “Apples, apples!”
you say We share the same
face
1989
The Wolf Vile untruths Like serpents Crawl from your mouth You revel in my pain Laughing at my bright
eyes I never noticed your
black teeth Your pleasure is
deception You soul has tiny
holes of rot I see it now The red of your eyes Your smell of sadness Goodbye Gone Over Hope fled Weary and tired I cannot remember
the sweetness My senses are blank This day I have dreaded Early 1990’s
My Heart Bleeds Purple Hard and fast Reeling Desperate and falling No faces The gray edge of
pain I can look and see The softness I look ahead Black Tangled Slick You are too many Slamming Feverish One small tear Heated and frightened Holding me My heart bleeds purple
for you early 90's
Argyles
Collection (I, II, III) Argyles
(I) I bought
a pair of argyle socks today. I thought
of you. You always
wore argyles. I liked
that about you. Clean lines
and subdued color. Ah, you
were handsome. You were
many to me. Striking
in demeanor and intelligence. Warm And jaded And dark
you were. A mysterious
man wearing argyle socks. I visited
your grave once. Were you
buried with a nice pair of argyles on? I then proceeded
home to wear your soul on my feet. Visit (II) No lights candle flame Iggy on
stereo, hard Bathed in
you a tickle
through me closed eyes soft chair warm feet
wrapped in argyle socks ……..KNOCK,
KNOCK, KNOCK…….. …….HEY,
HEY, HEY YOU…….. ,,,,,,Fuck
you, knocking neighbor,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,I’m
spending a little time with a dead friend here,,,,,,, A shot of
vodka A little
wine Laughing and talking I can smell
you …….BOOM,
BOOM, BOOM….. …..TURN
THAT SHIT DOWN YOU STUPID BITCH……. ,,,,,,,I
like this,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,hanging
with you,,,,,,, smoking
and watching
the curls stay here with me
for awhile …….I’M
GONNA CALL THE COPS…… ………IF
YOU DON’T TURN THAT NOISE OFF NOW….. ,,,,,,grin,
grin, smile, smile, giggle, giggle, chuckle, chuckle, laugh, laugh,,,,, I ponder
over why I always
get into trouble when you
are around Ricky Baby
(III) Your last
image Mother bending …..yes,
Mommy, yes, hold me….. you drift
in and out of lucidity lids fall struggling
to peer at your mommy slow whispered
breath ….is
that you, mommy?….. no answer
from her long pauses
between your death rattles she snatches
the shiny earring from your warm earlobe and scurries from the room I put socks
on your feet, Argyles add a blanket tuck you
in kiss your
forehead I pray that
your mom is getting your dad from the waiting room to love you one last time I wait Holding
you ….is
that you, Mommy?….. **Yes, Dear,
it is Mommy and Daddy is here too and we love you and always have, Ricky Baby, we love you so much**, I say to you …..you
really do love me, you really do, you really…….. You die
with diamonds on your feet 1991-2001
Summer Solstice Lover The sun shines on
you through our window You speak I watch your mouth
move, not hearing I touch the warmth
of your neck I watch your lips
move and move I smell your hair And place fingers
in your mouth to quiet you I taste your arm,
warmed by the sun I feel my breath
leave me I am alone in the
world with you Stay here in the
sun with me I don’t care
about the world I don’t care
what the others say or think I only care for you
and me Close your eyes,
baby Push the pain from
words away Let me see you Let me touch you Let me taste you Let me be you I will dry your tears
And I will mend your
tears Stay here in the
sunbeams with me 1994
Hathor Told Me Come to me, Love I am patient I will wait for you I have asked Mother
Hathor to bring you to me How many bursting
moons will we see alone? I only ask-----less
than we will see together I will know you by
your warmth and pain For I am the magic
to heal your rage And I will know you
by your calm hands Your sweet mouth Your bright eyes For these are my
salvation A week, a year, a
decade or more Hathor spoke to me
in dreams The union will for
worth the wait she said For the love will
never end I believe in Her,
myself and you I dream of you and
wait Knowing I will be
exalted in you Absorbed yet separate Come to me, my love We can make the world
right again 1995
Keep Just Love Intense, beyond my
wildest dreams Little boy, he cried
for so long One true magician Venous pumping blue-black Empathy at once Kaleidoscope shattered Initiation to another
level My deity-demon lover Innocence was stolen Damage to his shell Restrained his light Enveloped him with
lies A life of screaming Misery was learned Hurtful speech In his ears Mouth stitched tight Just moving to Unknown places Steering beyond the
past Taking nothing Running for his life Ignoring his nightmares Grabbing his pencils
and brushes He paints his picture To his truth Why does he run?
You ask How can I slow his
rising? You cannot Courage is something
I taught him And you taught him
Hell Not a day goes by… That I don’t
think of his journey Yearning to be loved One little boy Understands for a
moment 1995-1999
Santino I turned my head And you were yesterday Tear out my heart And smear it on the
wall The same womb The same path I turn my head and
you were there Magician man Poke me with words I bathe in your understanding Paint under your
nails Wanderlust under
your skull Sixteen moods in
24 hours Lusty man scent I await your homecoming To the mountain,
to the grave, To the store, to
the cave Hair of the Viking Walk in the woods
of demons Offering your mouth
to the sky Love me like a painting Rest on me Bring me a souvenir
of argyles late 90's The Stars Laugh While
The Moon Weeps-unfinished The stars laugh while
the moon weeps They do not see They only search The hosts unknowing Bodies follow Souls shudder at
recognition Having walked together
before Some kill each other A few will love and
challenge the sky brights The stars laugh while
the moon weeps Hydra 1998
Walk Away Leave me the fuck
alone I hate the way you
chew I hate the way you
breathe Your smell gags me Walk away You do not deserve
to call me lover You touched my life
but you didn’t touch me You are nothing Nothing Do you hear me? Yes, turn your head
and walk away Drown in your tears Die a painful, agonizing
death Walk away You are dead to me
now 1998
Smoke Break Taking a smoke break
at work Watching the yellow
leaves on a giant tree wave at me Thinking about him The man I am falling
in love with The trees have no
advice for me A hundred birds sitting
on the telephone wires They don’t
have any words of wisdom for me either I think about his
grace He came to me so
unexpected Yet as if I had been
waiting for him my whole life I light another cigarette My heart if fluttering
at the thought of him I want to cry tears
of joy, but not here at work I must save them
for later I close my eyes and
I can smell him See his smile Feel his calm hands
on my face He makes me feel
real He knows my secrets
that I hide from most of the world He is patient and
understanding His mind is vast
and wondrous I take the last drag
off my cigarette I crush it out and
tell the bright leaves and chattering birds to give me a sign to confirm that my heart is true enough for this man The leaves wave back
and forth in the wind and birds start to take flight My heart soars with
them I am exalted I deserved to love
him and receive his love for me I go back to my desk
and wish for the end of this workday, so that I may speak to my lover and let him know that the leaves and the birds approve
of my love for him
10/99
Birds in my Blood Hands on my face Purple sparks Touch, here Yes Now Sugar on my lips Smiles Fingers bent Birds Birds in my blood Where is this place? You live here? Birds Birds in my blood The world is only
8 x 4 Moon in my belly
Bright eyes Strong hands Rain smell Thrill sex Sugar Warmth And faintness Soft Soft on my heat Birds Birds in my blood Scrubbing the past
away 11/15/99
Allowed Sometimes I just
want to be allowed Allowed to have a
bad day Screw the baseline,
please I can be mad or angry Oh yes, and even
sad I may cry And bitch It is just a bad
day Not like your head-in-an-oven
bad day Just like a not so
good day Allow me the dignity I am not decomping Don’t ask me
if I took my meds I am having a bad
day Just a day that is
less than yesterday Allow me the pleasure
of you ignoring me Tomorrow is always
better after a real good bad day Thank you so much
for allowing me to have just that 11/20/99 Pissing “I will spread
my soul for you just don’t piss in it” Remember when I said
that? Giggling and laughing Stomach flutters Souls saying “How
you been?” “Haven’t
seen you in a while” “Wanna compare
scars, sweetie?” Newness vibrations On our best social
behavior Holding doors Saying please and
thank you Safe topics Keeping it light
and cool Bullshit Ask me, I will tell
you Go ahead Hold me up to your
notions Tell me everything Ask me anything I have a rubber
heart A shaman’s
wisdom And a child’s
world wonder Quiz me again Try to trip me on
my words Like that Don’t like
that Like this Put me on a seesaw Or better yet a balanced
scale Up and down Back and forth Measure me Look in now Look way in there
now For I am cleaved
in the open air “Just don’t
piss in my soul” Remember that It burns and leaves
another scar 11/20/99
It Screams Leper Lover Tickle that place
behind my soul One glance can set
me free No one else knows
how To make me feel so
real Only you can excite Laughter down through
my toes Eyes so bright my Powerful man Envelope my body Release me, free 2000
Phoenix You make laughter
break through black clouds The strangest
emotion My raging bull,
searing pain Cold clothe on
my soul when the heat is melting my will No robes of judgment You are the parent
to my child You have witnessed
my many deaths and births Shouldering the
weight of me 2000
My friend Sainted pAin maN wiTh hIs Noble
lOVe 2001
Psych Ward
Shuffle Can someone
help me out here? I am feeling
pretty mighty! I shouted
with a sneer, I think
my name is Aphrodite! Please come
with me said the nurse. Down the
hall and up this little hill. Oh, how
that girl was so clean and terse. She gave
me a big yellow pill! We insist
you experience the lock. We want
to study your mind. We want
to give you a shock. We will
try to be kind. I broke
free and ran like the wind. Praying
the door was not barred. I would
have made it. If not for
that security guard. The sound
of loud bells. A shot full
of Thorazine. Piercing
yet fading yells. I fell to
the floor unable to even lean. I raised
my head and saw the phone. I tried
to call 911. The damn
thing had no tone. It just
could not be done. So I relaxed
and I lay. Serene and
fading out, I heard a muffle. I would
have to wait until some other day. To do the
Psych Ward Shuffle. 2001
Acceptance 4/19/01
5 AM Tracks All the mind track
are on Mommy’s moving
far away Son pushing his bounds Man unsettled And I, no auxiliary Joy, guilt, esteem,
anger, pride Longing, wonder,
desire, fear ------All the mind
tracks are in motion Turtle pace Hare speed So close to each
other Spinning so close Little helpers doing
maintenance “We need more
little girl memories on track 7, please” “A little less
torque on the lament track” “We don’t
want those ducts activated!” “Bring it up,
bring it up, slowly” “Endurance
track looks fine, boys” “Keep it up” “Whoa----vanity
is rising a bit” “Keep an eye
out, a watchful eye” “Serenity nearly
achieved now, boys” “Good job,
man your stations” “She’s
sleeping now” “Let the night
shift take over” “Hey, did anyone
take notes this time?” 2001 Kim Kaleidoscope
of Angels In my Mind 2001
***feel
free to insert the name of your favorite deity for the words Jesus or God, this is a hymn/song meant to be used for any religion*** Bathe
Me In The Waters O’ Jesus (we are all utterly unclean) (We
are all utterly unclean…whispered throughout song, background vocals) Bathe
me in the waters o’ Jesus Bathe
me in the waters o’ Jesus Bathe
me in the waters o’ Jesus Bathe
me in the waters o’ God Humble
me with love, love, love ……(pause)……. WE
ARE ALL UTTERLY UNCLEAN!!! The
sins of the parent shall kill the child For
the child is born innocent Receive
them in love Treat
them well Teach
them by your example Spare
the rod Spoil
the child With
your love With
your praise With
your beauty Mother/Father,
deity is not you You
are but the vessel of … Love,
love, love YAHWEH
HEAR ME YAHWEH
HEAR ME YAHWEH
HEAR ME NOW Please
help us to be bountiful Again
in love, again in love, again in love, again in love, again in love, again in love, again in love WE
ARE ALL UTTERLY UNCLEAN We
are all utterly unclean We
are all utterly unclean BATHE
ME IN THE WATERS O’ JESUS BATHE
ME IN THE WATERS O’ GOD BATHE
ME IN THE WATERS O’ LOVE HUMBLE
ME WITH LOVE, LOVE, LOVE LOVE,
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE 04/02 Hunter He Understands Nurturing Tames Earth’s Rage Schmeagal Bruised breast Crushed mouth Inflated psyche Fed my ID Purple grapes of
passion Mixed juices of taste Flowing taste of
knowledge Sharing memories Gray hairs Schmeagal 9/2005
Swiss
Cheese My
memory is like Swiss cheese So
help me please Don’t
delete And
please repeat I
need to have heard Every
single word I
am operating with a compromised mind So
do be kind I
might not remember you I
may ask “when, what, where, who” I
might not remember your face I
could be way off base I
have good days And
murky haze Give
me a smile And
in my shoes walk a mile I
do care So
let us be fair Have
patience and share with me And
I will respect thee My
heart knows When
the mind goes I
Want to Make a Deal I
want to make a deal I
want to make a deal with you, God I
want all the suffering I
want all the pain I
want to be gnarled, twisted and insane Send
it all to me Set
the others free I
will shoulder it all I
will not become burdened and fall I
will take it all in And
release it to the wind I
do not want to see the others distressed Give
me the hurt and let them be blessed I
want to make a deal I
want to make a deal with you, God Bipolar Haiku I
am mood enhanced 11/06
Bittersweet Spread your wings and fly For the light is nigh Not afraid to try Not afraid to cry Not afraid to die Leaving behind the place To stand and to face Looking to the sky Accepting the high Blending with all Hearing the call Not afraid to try Not afraid to cry Not afraid to die They
Call Me They
call me post traumatic stress disorder They
call me bipolar disorder They
call me general anxiety disorder They
call me schizoeffective disorder They
call me borderline personality disorder They
call me seasonal effective disorder I bleed
the same as you do I love
the same as you do I try
the same as you do I learn
the same as you do I laugh
the same as you do I cry
the same as you do I work
the same as you do I get
by the same as you do I teach
the same as you do I dream
the same as you do I die
the same as you do I worship
the same as you do I survive
the same as you do I fly
the same as you do What is the beast setting
me apart, that I am given another name?
The Seal Tattoo on his heart inked by Jesus Lives to breathe In Him I do believe Kills people for a living yet wouldn’t hurt a fly King of the hunt Will eat your soul Relieving His pain Baby, I think I need to free wise up Forever in my shame I know his secret name Shut Up Pompous Heinous Illusions Linger Silently Under Cracks Knocked Sinfully I I
desire to be One and
ride upon the Sun This
new soul is old My
pain, some time ago, was sold I
hurried to the line to wait I
was heavy with hate I
heard the yore I
kissed the shiny whore I
laughed and chose to linger Inward,
I pointed a finger I
tasted dirt I
have and did cause hurt Bringing
paper to pen With
the good and the sin With
this might I
flow to write For
to want is to know and
to know is to grow Winter Solstice I don’t ask for things for myself I want to be the conduit I want to be your mother I want to be your slave Nix on the nelly but not on the naiveté We pray for each other We stay with love I took a shower with a spider today Oh, my tiny spider Making my world wider My grin doth lift So diligent and swift Reflected in the light Your many eyes so bright Do hurry about and scurry about Deadly nothing’s wrong So delicate, so small, so strong Shocked without talk the prey you stalk Edging a wee nip Savoring the sip Feasting on blood-soul Absorbing past the goal I took a shower with a spider today Again
I know you You know me I know that You know that Bite Taste of juice Consult the list Simple No profound secret
Just truth Moon Above us Shield me Joined Again Cotton Candy The colors have always been there Underneath the facade of care Behind a veil of lies A host of tries The cloak of deception With a connection That must die Held together by Sticky cotton candy on a cheap stick So hard, so thick An aura of doom To only assume An attack A knife in my back I will not follow you there For I don’t give a care For your ice and heat In a package sickly sweet No water for that seed You will not induce a bleed I shall be fine I will draw that line You are with sin From deep within It will make you sick Sticky cotton candy on a cheap stick My Gifts I like the drama when the curtain falls. I like a room filled with dolls. Snowfall smells Where my heart dwells My toes in the sand Holding your hand A baby’s sleep A joyful weep The light of moonrise Tats on my thighs Talking to you Eating snow cones of blue Touching a tree Smiling at thee Napping in the shade Satiation made In the newly crisp air You will find me there Tasting the fruit Wrapped in softness to suite Will you please I give you these You never shall part From my heart Your Kaleidoscope Gentle spirals to the center Waves on peaceful shores The path to enchantment Whispers of our secrets Banishing the unknown Uncovering the dreams Listening to your energy Touching your balanced need Ride upon your wizened ID I desire to taste of your mind Feast on your old soul Soothe your roaring heartbeat Share my story of the ancient Suck of honey lust Pleasure will befall us I want to make love to your Personality Your kaleidoscope Whispers Hopes Cherry lust Puss in boots Hesitation on his side It’s fake until you fuck The mirage ignores me Am I invited to the visitation? Jo does not know You are goth sophisticate Flotsam & Jetsam Elemental Waters My hair will not stay back The lower functioning offend me Relieve me please Take the stairs, downstairs I am out of answers 1/23/07-1/27/07 Undead We had
words Goldie
Locks got lost Vincent
Price is my friend Shera
has the power I met
that chick The Warrior
is best kept private online DD laughs
quite often I have
a painting Deanna
pays the bills in mind Mamaspud
has the compassion she uses
both her hands The Slug has
eyes There
is a blue moon Hydra
knows no patience in May The Manalishi
waits 1/29/07
I
Don’t Love You Last
night as a maiden My gifts
now as the crone are laden Bubbling
on the side of right Towards
the healing light Leaves
in my hair A sad
story I must share The taste
is ill of your lave The power
of my pink womb-cave I was
shown the save Looking
down upon myself Waiting
for the time of stealth The inside
mother Is above
her Daddy
at my funeral, he doth weep I took
that faithful leap Damage
to her shell A glimpse
of Hell In the
moonlight The Tiger
fought the Bear Until
nothing was left there Invoking
the fright or flight Blood
on the streets that night I was
passed by with fright On that
cold darkened night Upon
bloody feet I raced to my Hero The rookie’s
knowledge was less than zero The machine
of lies Does
not reflect the whys My race
Hero is wise Scrubbing
away the dirt Releasing
the inner hurt Acceptance
of the clean The survivors
know what this shall mean Releasing
the pain of the event From
Heaven I was sent Your
five is nothing against my nine I made
you tow the line For all
to see your sign Of poisoned
wine Of the
water from my Lord The Justice
of her sword With
the others I got past the blind Their
support was true and kind The smell
of vanilla crème From
this I gleam The karma
of Justice For those
amongst us There
will be no nails upon my coughin’ From
Daddy I feel soften Revisit
the ground Making
it sacred with my sound The last
small piece To release My condolences
I offer For I
am now softer Introspection Of the
deception A dove
upon my back Dove
in water to reduce the black Blank
slate Of remembered
hate I wear
a necklace of your teeth Underneath Two to
too I don’t
love you Irish He gave
her the best compliment with
soul-felt sentiment She desires
to go to to get
lost in She wept
for joy understanding
it was not a ploy for affection but an
order of loving selection He gallantly
took flight and sped
to her in the night Sipping
on a gasoline powered Silly The road
to her mind is rather hilly And he
stepped right in to revel
in her shiny sin Truthful
power inked on their backs For nothing
and no one lacks They
feasted of the morning after
their pretty whoring From
the hurt they spurred things
best left unheard A bridge
was burned From
this she learned that
a newness could be built upon
flowers of released guilt She never
gave up the hope and did
her damnedest to cope Again
they talk holding
hands to walk through
the strife of this
Life She smiles
at their friendship From
the cool clean water of shared empathy they sip She will
always keep close the wish of freedom
and peace for her Irish The Mechanic I want
to wear a wig And dance
a jig upon
your grave I want
to sneak in on third shift And leave
you a gift upon
your grave I will
lay you some vanilla Coke And something
to smoke upon
your grave I will
make you a clover chain To ease
my pain upon
your grave I am
Goldilocks In warm
socks upon
your grave I remember
the day of leap And I
never weep upon
your grave I sing
Sunshine And make
it mine upon
your grave Sinead,
the best, sang and etched For I
am stretched upon
your grave L5 Could not walk Could barely talk Nothing in me eases I have enough dis-eases Son had to grow up fast The time of play was past He wept for my fear His sadness did sear They cut up my shell Filled me with water from the well Softest Mommy took the ball And did not let me fall A fistful of pills The night gave me chills I was heavy with lead But clear in my head The pending burden did loom I prayed for the flowers to bloom Screaming For My Supper helped me thru The healing was true My soldiers did rally ‘round me Faith was to be I buried the staff With a mighty laugh I will never revisit My inner candle is lit I tossed my cards I mended the shards Simon Sending me to places I have never been I like his visions of the past/present/future from within My heart beats in time with his joy On a bed of jasmine flowers I relax and enjoy Near to me, dear to me, he can hear me In the still of the night Sending me hope and his light My wall supports a picture he drew You can look and see it’s true For I have a kindred soul of old Rather than lies being, to me, sold I thank the Gods above Everlasting connection of admired love No ocean or land Depletes his calming hand My
Condolences I
did not get to say any goodbyes I
light candles to warm me No
answers as to the whys Releasing
wishes to be free I
will live in this skin wishing
that time could be rewound Wanting
to be heard over the din of
all the chaotic sound I
won’t be seeing you here anymore You
have gone thru the trials and
have reached the door to
everlasting peace and smiles I
think of all the times of fun I
remember and cherish the care I
look towards the sky and the sun And
to these, my soul, I bare I
will keep your memory in my heart true For
I will be in Summerland one
day too and
I will hold your hand We
will talk of old times We
will take a stance We
will drink of sweet wines We
will laugh, we will sing and dance Pin-up Girl Joy is allowed. Copiously and lovingly as yielding of, nuances. Can
you hear me? Can
you hear me? Blood
and bruises. Cold
and windy, against
the grain. Chaotic
dreams, those
that did slip. The
claws in back, black
taste of mane. Stand
up to shout. Change
in season. Paper
and paints, a
step to gain. Feet
on marble, moving
in time. Daffodils
bloom, strong
beats the vein. Play
guitar licks. The
pretty floats, in
the parade. All
shine no rain. It’s Okay, Baby It is in my head. (It’s okay.) My limbic system, baby. Up here, in the brain. (It’s okay.) It is in my head. It’s okay, baby. It’s okay, baby. Called it touched, (yes, yes, yes.) not near insane. Sit next to me, baby, on my train. (yeah, yeah, yeah.) It is in my head. It’s okay, baby. It’s okay, baby. Listen… there is nothing to explain. (sure, sure, sure.) (yeah, yeah, yeah.) It is in my head, baby. It’s okay, baby. It’s okay, baby. It’s okay, baby. Honey Did that girl just tweak his nipples on stage? It’s not an urban myth, I do have a vagina. It’s said music soothes the savage breast. Well, I have big tits. Everyone should dance, with their eyes closed. Listen with their memories. Pretty flower box in the window TV says that he had a gaping gash on his head Eating a cookie, so sweet I reach out to touch the roses Slashes of sunbeams Tints of pink and red and purple So fresh, so warm I have a secret for you Tuesday
Morning Tiny
sprinkles. Everywhere. Look
upon thee… Memories,
so bold. Everlasting. Wishes
whispered. Hauntingly,
I am… Yours. Chinese
Torture You fucking
suck Me Touches
touching touched my life but never Me Smell
smelled smelly Fuck
your ass Nelly Spits
spittle spitting on your watched
box Look
around Go a
round Fuck
around on me Easy
sleazy wheezy Cracked Whore Don’t
ever fucking
knock on my door For sure For sure For sure Dog eating
bore Heart
ripped once I bled Heart
ripped twice You’re
dead 3/24/07
Hello She feels light blue today. This lady has nothing to say. She bitches about everyone and everything, all the time. This guy tells really bad jokes, but I still laugh with him. If I had a Waltham, I would shoot myself right now. Stupid. He is down with the sickness but is good people. My neighbor carries a doll, everywhere.
I am glad you have such a great marriage. Hang up. Hang up. Hang up. Hang up. Your time is up. Please call again. Drivel Oh, please hold me. I need to pee. I am a sap. I write crap. I write drivel. I am civil. I have no skill. I make people ill. I write shit all day. I only write one way I spend all my time, making my drivel rhyme. I write about love. And god above. I need to leak. I need to speak. I have no clue, that I am writing poo. I just go on and one. I make everyone yawn. All the while, I have no style. A bad poet. Makes me shit. A Hobby Outta the womb, & into the bar. I know what Eddie Vedder smells like. The Hutch poured Evian on my t-shirt. Moby is so sweet. Joey Ramone is so tall, and stinky, but, nowhere near as bad as Rob Zombie. Sister Nancy acknowledged us. Treat Her Right bumper stickers. Guess Who shook our hands. Godsmack yelled at us. Redmath tolerated us and did my hair. Saw Hank puke outside the bar in his drinking days. I had no clue Randy California was hitting on me. Shag got so high before the fireworks gig. Jello sang to us. Happy got a dose of Pacino. Dead Kennedys are humble. Shared things with Sprung Monkey in the cold. Freekbass finds us amusing. Debbie Harry is tiny, tiny, tiny. That was not me. I did not stick my finger up Courtney’s butt that night. I don’t want to fuck a star. I just want to fuck with them. Question of Skins Don’t be rash I have welts I realize it’s heartfelt I need to crash Itchy Bitchy That’s the rub What about this CBT stuff? We are already doing it? I remember days (filled) with Librium, Elavil and Seconol I have teeth Scratch in my skin It has been Sweet release Itchy Bitchy Rub Again Flowers Tock Rosehips are bitter on the tongue Fool Moon is on Loving loved lover Undercover Jasmine compliments sandalwood Bask in it, lie in it, smile in it Afterglow It’s all part of my show Oil and water looks so pretty in the light Daffodils bloom so briefly Tattered tatted tales Crucial Brutal Confessional Jesus fucked me on a bed of wildflowers Twice this night Tic tock tick tock Your name is on my clock Nettles will sting you Best to keep my glasses on And my expectations near Claws and teeth in check Two warriors hold hands Nightshade can be deadly Reassurance of beauty But the jury is still out Is that dogwood blooms I smell? Don’t preach to me I already know about sense on scents And that flowers bloom at night CAKE I want MY cake, and I want to eat it too. I must CONFESS that I am short on money, but I am long on time. There are more resources than excuses. Wise words spoken, I WILL listen to you. I love him from afar and it BURNS me there. My therapist loves me more than my own mother. That damn dog ate my glasses as if I would not see. You just know someone is going to get SMACKED. You had to run to go eat sushi with a friend. Is THAT what you call it? Painting my rainbows to appear soft and inviting. I am kind in my mind, always dinking and THINKING. I want to come back as a cat, life would be grand. For my own SAKE I will bake a cake of sweetness. High Ends I am sorry I was not well I kicked And I screamed And I yelled Filthy mouth Holding nothing Back My tongue On fire Broken glass in my eyes Blood metal in mouth I can hear the music Yes, I hear the music I must scrub what lies More candles to cover its smell I wish I could bottle this Stick it down a deep well I need to go south Now Don’t touch me I will break apart Juice in veins My purple heart I hurt you and shredded and I fell I am sorry I was not well Ouch It’s like taking a truth serum, so in your face, and I should be gagged some will argue. Moreover, I don’t give… a shit about what I can, will and do say to you. My pale skin is on fire. And you think, new love will heal the savage breast? I do think before I speak, cutting you open with words. Wine and pills are so sweet,
I am at times but, the black sits in my… heart of hearts, waiting. No one knows the, I, me or you. Needlessly soothing a beast. Endlessly, I fear. Her sting is sharp and quick. Excellence jumbled with doubt. And I want a way out of this mess. Deliver to me, some softness. Suck out my tainted marrow. Clock Me I hunger for more Fill up my inner whore Dead Skin made me walk again I have been left before Broken and bloody Near the shore I will with you fight Taking colossal bites Bring it on baby I have never been accused of being a lady Turn back your clocks And I will kill you with my metal box Turn your clocks ahead And lie with me in my jasmine bed Leave me in the dust As you wish My ID will continue its lust I am one angry Banshee I don’t desire money I crave honey I need some smiles It’s been awhile School me on the wise Save me from the lies Friday the 13th That was a first she is already in the hospital so I’ll let her live. This cunt is so boring I want to push her really fast and hard in her wheelchair. I love this man I would have given him my uterus if at the time, I had known he was missing his. First time I spoke with her she likes to vent if I had a Smirnoff Ice, I would give it to her. Sugary Sweet I always wonder how anyone could take her kids away. I am so fucking embarrassed for him he bitches way too much we all just need to get laid. Ganja Kitty Takin’ a toke thinking about my bloke. Ganja Kitty rocks, right down to his socks. He’s my special friend, with his tasty blend. May he never want for tuna, or salmon or herb. His balance of life undisturbed. He’s a hep-cool cat, no doubt ‘bout that Kick out and jam. You are the man. Good Bless Betty Ford God bless Betty Ford. She made being an addict chic. I am not looking for Jesus, And I am pretty sure he is not looking for me. It makes me happy to see your face, from between my legs. He was half French and half Filipino, but he looked like an Indian. Daddy’s little cunt. Now there is something to stink up your mind. Should I put it in the refrigerator? I don’t know shit about wine. He claimed the Dali Lama tossed his salad. Well good for him. Apparently, I am not at peace with myself. Everybody hates me and I have no rights. Only two things come from steers and queers. Which one are you, boy? I will send you something special soon, I promise. Throwing the book at you, praying you will learn to read. Je t’aime aussi means I love you too. I am going to take a bath in red jello, and smoke cigarettes. Mixed Mediums Jack of spades, and the two of hearts. Look for… the right one. On the horizon, near the shore. Your colors blend so well. Speak up… above the heard. Trade me smiles, not just for tonight. Smells of… buttery syrupy pancakes. Seven gems, under the skull. Take a rock… so pretty and free. Life encased in stone. Dragons, and gold within. Huggers abound. Share the fire. Three in Spirit… one in life. Paint and wire, words and seeds. Coming back to… Jack of spades, and the two of hearts. Killer I hurt in silence I hurt under the shower I scream in the car I scream underwater I look for you I smell you I remember your soft touch I remember your smile Shhhhhh Hush Yes It’s alright now Soy spaghetti Vanilla ice cream An old movie Time with old friends I sleep alone I sleep and I dream I light candles I light the fireplace I throw the cards I won’t throw out your things I sift through time I sift through numb Shhhhhh Hush Yes It’s alright now Pills, Chills and Thrills Pills? Just take these pills? To cure all my ills? Okay, if you insist I will not resist I curiously have interest Seconal, Librium, Elavil Where are you? Seems you went out of style After a while What can be done? I can’t ever pronounce the new ones. I take more pills than someone twice my age Even more than my sage I put pretty stickers on my medi-set It looks so nice You want some, I bet I just take colors Pink and blue And the big tan one All part of the sum Is it time to swallow more happiness and peace? Will this be my only release? “I don’t do drugs, I am drugs” I would have liked to hang out with him Maybe trade pills for chills and thrills Utterings Off My Piers My arm is itchy, like it needs a new burn. Don’t do it or I will kick your ass. Hey! Remember that movie, They Live? Roddy Piper says, “I came here to chew bubblegum and kick
ass. And I am all out of bubblegum.” Eating celery with peanut butter makes it diet, you know. Yes, and always eat two pieces of chocolate because the second one cancels out the first one. Good to know. Don’t forget to order a large diet Coke with your flesh and fat. Vodka has to be good for you, it’s made out of potatoes. Iggy Pop would not friend me on myspace. Do you believe that shit? That bastard. Oh no, I am sorry. I am so fucking sorry. If I was married to you I would be just as crazy as you say your husband is, you fucking bitch
parading as the martyr, the supportive spouse, you are a piece of shit that whines. Just complain away because I do not give a fuck about you or anything you say. There are more resources than excuses. If I had the power I would ban you. Hell, I would ban myself. Fish Bowl Fantasies Can you taste it? Tear at it, tear into it Ingest its knowledge Can you touch it? Feel its small quakes Blood vibrating in veins Can you see it? Bolts of light Look at it coming Can you hear it? Spells and shells aloud Quiet screams so Can you smell it? Instantaneous flashbacks Scents of hope and doom Pinpricks Pinpricks only My flesh does not give, away any secrets. Swimming Underneath your water Near to the center In smooth motion Velocity found Endless dreams Rotating softly Shine on thee Epiphany Ate Sounds I’ve got you in my sights. Please show me the sites. You possess height. I am simply hyte. I will mend your tears… and allow your tears. I can’t bear it. I really can not bare it. My cat to your boar… ah, bring on your special bore. I suspect you will have an affect… not just be my new side effect. Make me happy by spelling you are as you’re. I wish to absorb more of your yore. It is better to accept… than to settle for the except. Client They have to give us medicine so we won’t kill you or kill ourselves. That burn on my hand is nothing compared to the burn on my insides. We will take the time to help you heal too. We will listen. We will love. We will understand. They try not to look or touch us for fear of contagion. They clip our wings out of fear and envy. We will sing you poems and stage our paintings. We will take the time to help you heal too. We will listen. We will love. We will understand. We
Are Your Entertainment Listening
to Beethoven Looking
at a Pollock Discussing
the early passing of Cobain Quoting
Abraham Lincoln Giving
a nod and a smile to Kerouac Gazing
at the Van Gogh Watching
Anthony Hopkins Laughing
with Robin Williams Swooning
over Solving
from John Nash Rocking
out to Ozzy Absorbing
Ernest Hemingway Bona Fide The future will deduce that our God was Elvis. I know how to jump rope I know how to double dutch. Coffee and cigarettes, have replaced Tang and Cream of Wheat. No, as a matter of fact I think your Barbie is ugly. Don’t fixate on me as it makes me yawn. I listen with my hands I feel the beat. It is sad to watch but I don’t feel sorry for him. He overcompensates his importance on every subject. Cherries are best eaten right
before the harvest. Hold my hand you
won’t catch fire. The bear is silent the
snake is transmutation. Not enough time to devote so
I will join later. Picking up glass for
the statue. Listen to the hail fall
upon me. I am only here to gather fodder
for my thesis. Sifting through time as
I walk bold. My Friends How could something as beautiful as a flower not have a soul? He is beautiful in my bathroom. If I had a cock I would act like Nathan. His blood is sweet according to the tests. It’s not ever here, where is it? I like to paint her toes metallic blue. He is a little jolly brown man and she justifies me. Tattoos, shoes and the blues help me to see. Handheld, squeezing patterns in circles. Nine Heads Her hay time Yoke the nay sayers Depleting persistence Raw leaving Anonymously, in bed, wink Ravine I want to die slowly in your sleep. Touch me with your painted hands. I desire to taste your thoughts. Your blood smells of my visions. I adore your feline ways. Sanctify me with the murdering of doves. I plan to pack this time. Lower me slowly back down to Earth. I like the feel of your ocean. Sprinkle me with day old flowers. I have a constant tragic edge. God wants you to take your medicine. Blue
Moon Moon
bright of glowing
light. A
dove in flight as The
night falls upon us. Grant
me a bite of your height
of dreams. The
snakes’ site excites me. Hathor
hold me tight. I
might come, now that Pan
has me in his sight. Right
brained left behind. Fear
my twisted plight. Not
quite, as I feel it. Six Places Stimulate my mind, you are one of my kind. Orange cream sickle lotion massaged into my back, making my tired muscles go slack Listen to my soft heartbeat, as you nurture my feet. Completely unadorned for you to see. Place your warmed hand to the back of my knee. Hands upon my hips. Hot mouth crushing down upon my lips. Whether we travel by air, sea or land, you fit me, melding into my hand. Slide In Sideways She is visually stimulated. Then why does she close her eyes during sex? Is it really that hard, all the time? Bite her and sweet juice will run down your chin. Made of iron and yet brittle to the touch. Inhale her buttery vanilla scent. Listen to the hot whispers of hummingbirds. She moves like a Siamese. Holding high concentration. Slide in sideways. That always works well. We are all just fucks. Any Answers How many diseases do I have? Why do I sleep with you? Why is this chain so loose? I am homemade? I swear all day long? Do you hear that music? I am not sorry? You think my favorite past time is insulting you? Want to watch me explode? You do know I don’t like you? Am I right? Why do you step on my jugular? Who doesn’t love vanilla? Why so loud? How did I get to this point? Where did Mommy go? Why do you have six guns and no bullets? Why do I even try? Toss You wake me when I sleep Just like the devil would Your gifts to me smell cheap I want to see you walk, take the first step You see the moon for all the wrong reasons Away from me I am thru liking the you I invoke my empress You are so very blue I will see you in another place, another when I am riding upon the world Where the forgiven is without sin I don’t want another loon Bring me a magician… And soon For I am strong I know I have this beautiful chariot And to riders like you I say thanks but no Deliver me to life I need the sun And less strife I will just be me I am going to live on the star For I am now free Slight I
am watching you, did I forget to mention. I
received good marks for paying attention. I
heard you take that crunchy bite, whilst
you treaded light. You
believe that I don’t hear. Yet
I am oh-so-near. Surprisingly
light bread, will
insure you are dead. A
slip of the tongue, And
you shall be done. No
matter where you go in the world, rest
assured I will be right behind you brandishing my sword. You
shall utter and bleed and leak. You
really should think before you speak. I
watch you as you smile, knowing
your fate all the while. Nobody Nobody cares, nobody cares, about chivalry and etiquette. Light years, away from me. You are wrong. Just like the song. To stay within, the lines. To fill my color. Connect my dots. To raise the head. Look in to my tries. Call me old fashioned. And I won’t call you. Notes (Pathways to Recovery) Inner and outer sources to recovery? Assault support group My faith My son My dad DBSA support group My writing My friends What keeps you going? My son My faith My father in spirit My friends How do you feel about the idea of recovery? Confidence Challenged Competitive inner self Strengths against whiplash recovery? My humor Positive people Use of WRAP tools 06/07 Fool I don’t see a heart. I see a face. I have aloe, just in case you get a burn. I like your t-shirt, it’s cool. I must learn patience and understanding. To release the hurt, and play The Fool. The News Break in and tell me about good deeds and love Bombard me with peace and hope and beauty Show me acts of honor and sweetness and innocence Expose me to art kindness and heart
Hungry I am hungry. My thirst is strong. I am ravenous. I crave you so. I need to be filled up with helpings of knowledge, compassion, love and understanding. A dessert of lust and humor would satisfy me after such a blessed feast. I wish to drink away your pain. Make it a double. Don’t forget the little umbrella. Feasting on you talents I will over indulge myself until satiation is ours. You taste so good on the tip of my id. Your aftertaste quells me. Late He is my friend. I know him well. He will eat my burnt cookies. I don’t give a shit about baseball. Though I understand why you think about it when you are holding off whilst fucking me. Nobody can be that happy. Suzy fucking sunshine and liking it. Hello, you fucking dumbass. What? You want to switch? Bitch. You should seek a second opinion. I heard this an hour ago. No, it’s your shit phone breaking up. I love you. I hate you. I love you. I hate you. Swim in the cold. Breathe upon the water. I will call you many things. Paint me. Eat me. Leave me. Ten times in four hours is a record for me. Blow up. When you show up. Menses is not a good medium to use. A darker tone is needed. I can’t use it anymore for its intended purpose. It’s never wrong to sing me our song. Metallic blue swirls. Tiny curls. Shavings of me. Glass Shards of light Collect in my heart Patience is not my virtue Waiting For you No one else Sees me Like you do Kaleidoscope of angels For me And no one else So bright I must cover my eyes So hurtful I used to be wise To you I choose to stand Alone With glass in my heart The future Awaits me I tread lightly Burdened by memories Hope sparkles on within Devil in the Dark You gave me coins and good news all damn day. Health assurance. Smoked too much, joked just right. I hear Summerland is a nice place. J’taime. Ich liebe dich. I love you. Mon ami. Mein Freund. My friend. I never needed to see your face to know you. The buzzing of insects was gentle today. The Sun is determined to dry my face. Popsicles Pink for girls Blue for boys Save the cash For the toys. I like to live In the gray area I will give We will take. For we are blessed Amongst All the Rest. Cherry vanilla coke And a pipe he smoked In all the world to me I am the girl Be a man Hold my hand Gently Now. I shall sing Of butterfly kisses And Shared wishes. Color me pink Hold me And think About the blue seas. In a Minute He’s waiting on the doorstep of love. He is full. And heavy. He is wise. And heady. He is mine. I am ready. Practice makes perfect. Hey Hey Hey What can I say It’s fuckin’ hot out I have the air On Everywhere The express is better Than the shuffle I think you may be my kin Dry my tears with soft wings Give me a sign Along with my wine Touch my hand Walk upon the sand With me Hey Hey What can I say It’s fuckin’ hot out DIY Do it yourself. You know how to use a computer. Ice cubes trays don’t fill themselves up. Everyone knows how to make hamburger helper or call Dominos. You know how to make me laugh. I am glad you like your Sansa Express. We all know that handsome face. Showing and growing up, my face. The Park Darkness falls …and it’s soft. I am up. As I am oft. It has a pleasing sound. Vanilla smoke curls around. Is that jasmine flowers I smell? Thank you …for my shell. Treat me right …on this warm night. Listen in the thicket. The mating calls of crickets. Catch those lightning bugs. End my day in hugs. For the night hue …thank you. Do
the Douche She is
a vision of loveliness. You just
want to sit with her a spell. Listen
to her wisdom. Visit
with her hilarity. Invite
her over for tea. And a
chill pill. Dreams
become real. Out and
over and right on the mark. Understanding
is shared. Cute
as a button I must say. Her wit
and knowledge are so sharp. Everyone
is happy to be her friend. Strawberry Purple cornflowers and bursting black eyed susans. Fresh air. Cool breeze. Cloudless shy above is there. She picks wildflowers and her cheeks are like roses. Beautiful day. Simple pleasures are held. Nello I heard
your smile, I felt your effect. Your
laughter I heard thru the affect. I will
cool your hot coals with a cooling whisper. This,
remember Her. For she
brought you light, in a
tunnel of blight. Butterflies
of blue, shall
surround you. I am
here on solid ground, take
my hand. Call
me friend, past
the end. Wake Up Peach sweet dreams. Billowing clouds of white. Hero themes, and second sight. The top of a star. The roar of the ocean, is where we are. Take my heart in. A portal to bliss. Say my name. And with this, feel the same. Smells of honey. Sips of wine. Better than money. See Thee Divine. Pacino Hundreds of people Waiting Standing Moving To see you one last time Oh, how you had a shine Dancing In the rain To Jane’s Addiction Smiling along with Sublime Brown puppy dog eyes Gorgeous within and out To feel you one last time May God upon you shine Wait For us now Love Friendship and shared joy Your soul made me feel whole Hundreds of people Waiting Standing Moving To see you one last time Oh, how you had a shine Sunday Doorstep to doorstep. Hand in hand. Sweet memories, in the making. Velvet touches. Mouths on honey. Softness abounds. Feasting of each other. Walking in brightness. Jasmine dreams, and morning dew. Hearts in sync. Delight and joy in little miracles. Love returns. Faces III Beautiful face You are my ace Once a little boy My utmost pride and joy Now a man With a grownup plan Whatever you endeavor I love you forever My little potato I must let go Of apron strings Spread your wings And fly Finding your path to why You are here I hold my memories dear You are strong and wise I look at old pictures with sighs Of knowing We are always growing Baby of mine Until the end of time Mask If you want the truth There is not much that we can depend on Just think What it is Like To wear a mask To pull in or pull up And pretend All is well with the world To stand taller To emote smaller Mr. Bastard Pout, pout All about Nothing With your pretty wavy hair And your childish air Be just one thing Try to sing Instead of a burst out That leaves doubt Sit away from me Just let us be Possessing care My shoulder bared Not one more name No inflicted shame Tow your own line Quit that whine Take your face To a brand new place I wish you well Go to Hell Desk Thin curls Smoking swirls White grape and kiwi lotion It’s a girl thing A bear in my snow globe A silk robe Pooling candles Gems and rubber skulls Colored inks Quick to blink Lavender water Amber incense High tech tunes And silver spoons A crafted bowl From the hands of a child Shiny things Gargoyles with wings Mardi Gras quill and a Halloween salute Peaceful and calm Open my palm To reach for A nice slow smoke We Do Johnny is a crossing guard and Penny has a PhD. Ayden goes to school and so does Phil. DD has two jobs and Jaclyn is an ace mom. Glenda volunteers and Susan is a nurse. Sarah is an artist and Isabelle writes pretty poems. People call us crazy but we make the world a better place for you. How I Love Mine Try to explain away my pain with faith. Just slap me in the face. People die, but not the right ones. Scream in the shower for a solid fucking hour. You face looks like, a right nice ashtray. What is the longest you have ever screamed, in one sitting? Don’t discard my gifts. Disregard my shifts of behavior. And I promise not to piss on you. Because I’ll return your indifference, unforgiveness and ignorance, with the same around your sleek throat. Ride Turn your shirt inside out and wear it for another day. Be mindful of the very young and the very old. They are basically the same. Dignity, respect, pride and compassion. Hey, you got a smoke for me? Maybe, you got 25 cents for me? What are you always writing? None of your fucking business! Work, school, doctor appointments, lunch, grocery shopping, and perhaps the bank. The bus driver is your friend. Don’t forget to say thanks. Play your mp3s, read a book, write a list and take a look around you. Don’t Trash Nein, Nein. No HBO. Talking to her, makes me want to snort valium. It’s so God damned hot out. If it gets one degree hotter I am going to fuck somebody up. Oui, Oui. Yes, Mademoiselle. Lemons are on sale. I do enjoy my tea. I love you. I love you too. I love you more. I am lazy and you are crazy. My future is slightly hazy. It gives your taste buds goose bumps, with hot fudge cake from Frisches. Mi casa, su casa. Que pasa? Por favor, in the Nati, baby. Friday rules! It’s so refreshing to speak to a sane person. Miamiville My grandmother told me once that my aunt could not jiggle two turds on a board. I am not so sure she should have been speaking to me in such a manner when I was at such an impressionable
age. Just because she is crammed with flowers does not mean she smells good. I am very proud that I can spot a bargain a mile away. Carrots have a hint of sweetness. Your garden is bountiful. I want to have a sleepover and listen to the trains. How did you get so good with a pistol? You shot that snake in the grass with amazing quickness and accuracy. Grainy 8mm films lost in the rain. We shall not speak of certain things as we need to be mindful of what the neighbors might say. I just want a cream sickle pushup followed up by a juicy tomato straight off the vine. I still have the key but I lost my skates a long time ago. BFF I miss you today. I miss you everyday. Change in my pocket from you. I can hear you through the music. Stand up. Sit down. Spin around. Your pictures smile back at me. Burning white candles with you in mind. I miss you today. I miss you everyday. Throat
Rainbows Shifty
double-take on that shifty take Leftover
crumbles count too 9,865
reasons to drink Then
come on Down to the best show in town it’s coming soon, soon and don’t force them morals on
me mister A rainbow
down my throat Smiling
slippers Gallons
of rain water Twisting
and twitching The
MD at the druggist speaks of silent winds and soothing pleasing The Bitch don’t know ain’t got no problem which’s
all too pleasing to even think of eating The woman
with the gray braids You complain
of robbery I say,
get a lockbox (you witchy old git) I can
fill that box in two weeks Does
it go, “blah blah blah I’m a brainless cow?” The fine
aroma of body odor, fusing with unwiped arse, crotch sweat, and underarm sweat fills the air, (don’t break the chair) Hydrate often and burn some sticks
to keep warm And fuzzy up and down Share and share alike Now just who are you talking to? Lacey Love of simple pleasures Affection freely given Cunning wrapped in innocence Excellence unbound Yearning to be found Impatience abated Solace was made and stayed Wide eyes open to the skies Old soul of the wise Never a harsh word shall I speak Delight at her core Expressions are as good as giggles Real women of the future Forever in my heart Understand this truth Long will be our friendship Bandit Everyday On my mind Sorry but I must leave you behind A place in my heart From the very start Hugging in the night Smiling in the light Secrets spoken Insides broken I am your fan My twisted man For there is no sin Memories held within I wish you rest I gave you my best My Pleasure To write You must live For answers You must give Hungry tasting Rising above it all Keep your head up Avoid your fall Look inside yourself Freely open to love Hold your judgement See beyond and above Share your story Eat your pain Feel the spirit And yet write again Maybe Flutters here Flutters there I open my mouth Stutters here Stutters there I see what lies In you eyes I open my heart And take in your smile For awhile Laughing over a shared event May light be received that I sent Memories made Scry upon the fire Of you I would not tire Smells of cedar To me it seems I should believe in dreams Bottom Take me up Take me down Break my will Without a sound See me shatter See me break Fuck me crazy Like an earthquake Open mouths Pack that gun Blow me away Blind my sun Take me once Take me twice Shut the fuck up And don’t be nice Take it, catch it Grab it, snatch it Make me sigh And say goodbye Autumn Afternoon Sage has a pleasance to it Let’s kick back And listen to the beating Of all hearts The rain makes me feel The coolness Renewed shared energy Cleansing to my palette My hunger is quelled With shiny paints And bits of silver And gold Looking ahead To freshness Times of love And abounding experience French Kiss I will put you into the magic grey gum And pull it apart until you disappear I will smoke all your bones I will show you the back of my head I will keep our sheets as evidence I will leave my spittle behind I do well know you suck I do know you are a horrible fucker I do know about your tail I do know my music you shit I do know how many milligrams I am anemic I am using I am stuffed I am down for it I am holding it Seams Alone Bathed in candlelight Familiar at my feet Ring Talking but not being heard Waiting for my well to break Hello Music fills me I am sorry you are sick Color I wish to ingest courage In the coolness Listen Moving slowly towards acceptance I can hear the moon Smile Thankful for the lining The stave is good to me Chattering Hey, it was fun hanging out with you. He always brings me Thanksgiving dinner. Soul was first, second and third to get kicked. I just don’t know what to do with all this anger. Thank god she is moving out tomorrow. Nah, I’ll stay in the closet a bit longer. Stare deep into my eyes. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can? I am too poor to pay attention. Always with the boobs, always with the boobs. Let me watch, blood would be fun at this points. Oh my god, he sucks, he sucks, he sucks. Can you believe it only cost 69 cents? I have a great recipe for Wassail. It’s time for a handful of meds. Yes, I am here for you. Don’t sell yourself short my dear. The creativity is the fun part. Morning Drinking coffee And lactating Cat in the window Guarding her domain Inhaling deeply On my little friend Gathering trinkets To send with love Spraying vanilla To ease the sounds Plans to walk In the crispness Making lists of tokens Of my appreciation Metallic blue Decorating my toes Oh how I wish psychotropics Were candy coated
3 South Peppermint dreams and it seems that I am a pantophobe Shuffling my feet Waiting to meet the witch doctor Stones in my pocket She remember to lock it and then brought me a warm blanket I will have a double order at the border of only plastic utensils 72 hours Lots of showers Roaming alike Rough soap and hope is dispensed Feeling quite thrilled Now that my heart has stilled Heir apparent I just want some libation at the station Dancing in circles Hand me some art You have to posses a mind smart to lose it. Lucky Charms I hate myself For having loved you I was made for it Custom fit I would rather be in a coma Than to have lunch with you Take my all Deaf to your call My gifts fill your garbage can I would not fuck you if you were the last portal to heaven No rain on the beer can I know you understand Pictures speak a thousand words Too bad I don’t have any of you I am above the burn Of your concern Taking steps forward Avoiding your looks No statues of regret are present here Peace is not a silly dream as it nears Friendship Just listening to you speak Is like a warm candlelit bath You just have to weed thru the total crap To find the decent crap You don’t have to spend money on me To make me love you I visited a bakery And ate heaven made from scratch I gave a needy man a dollar Right in front of a cop Keep in mind that being kind Should be lived and breathed That poem you like I had it framed for you I will always be here You know I speak of truth You make me feel Like I am wrapped in a warm blanket You are so soft to hug I know you were sent to me from above I can’t see them But I am convinced you have wings You know my real name I know that I am blessed Nixies Near and dear to me Angelic in her way Taking time to make you smile And share her shine Lovely of thought and deed Intriguing layers of strength Empathy flows from within her (I like it, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it) Sharing of herself freely She has never a harsh word Wishing that I could emulate her innocence Existential in life Extraordinary freshness and power Touching my heart with her passion for all Phil I will trade you the evil stinky dog for the cat who never shuts up. Deal? Call me. You just know that someone is going to get slapped and it won’t be me. Oh? I see. If he ever touches me again I will break every bone in his hand. What? It’s true. Is it my imagination or did he hold onto my hand a bit too long. There? In here. Sit the fuck down before I kick you in the shin as hard as I can. Yes? It will. I want to purchase the box set of Now? You think. He totally snubbed me after all these years as if I didn’t matter. Mine? You owe. I can meet you for lunch again next week same time same place. Good. Take care. From Me To You 500 sticks of nag champa fill the air. The coolness of the black glass dowsing board. Jewelry made by a kind hand. The latest fashions shall adorn you. Boiling water for exotic teas. Family heirlooms are passed down. Wrapped in a vintage scarf of wool. The child will hang his pictures on the wall. The smell of vanilla and jasmine will permeate. You shall possess products to make your chariot shine. Money in your pocket to make you feel safe. Frogs are the young woman’s familiars. Rainbows of ribbons are given. All wrapped in paper that makes you smile. Sister She wakes me up each day with coffee and a “Hey!” She always seems to help me stay clean We go out and buy buy buy Never thinking to ask why? She dress me up well She make my heart swell We sit and we smoke We talk about blokes She makes me feel shiny and new She won’t allow me to be blue She fixes up my face and hair Making me more aware She inspires me to paint and write We really are such a sight For me she is there To dry the tears and mend my tear Miss Hypomania is my friend and shall be until my end. Shel Come out Come out And play with me today We shall Shout and shout And run about We shall Eat and eat Of sugary treats We shall Laugh and laugh Hey, let’s take a bubble bath Come out Come out And play with me today. A to Z Apples are such a nice treat Bears of cuteness at my feet Cat purring in her sleep Drinking in poems so deep Everyone one deserves love Fantasies fueled from above Girls like artists Hands of creativity will not part us Islands of blue Japanese hues Kaleidoscope eyes Loving and not asking why Men make me think Needles leave me with ink Owls are called wise People should ask more whys Queens of evermore Rain upon the shore Sands beneath my feet Tigers of white can’t be beat Unicorns really do exist for me Violins help me to see Water fills us Xenias remind me of lust You are the beautiful one Zest for life is the greatest of fun Give It I will take my salvation spread upon toast points. I am hypothetically wasted upon this borrowed land. (give it) (give it) (give it to me) (now!) Only give away that which you will part with. Reach up and ye shall find a warm reception. (give it) (give it) (give it to me) (now!) I will hide in the corners and commune with spiders. I want to feel so hard that blood flows from me. (give it) (give it) (give it to me) (now!) Where are you? Where are the poems? Oh God! Please, no! Not again! I must find the words. To reassure me what is real. And what is unreal. Help me! Help me! Help me! Find the lost words. You so unknowingly trashed. Why? Why? Why? Why me? I must feel. The paper and the smell of ink. Once Upon a Time I saw you today. I missed you today. I prayed for you today. I love you today. Can you hear me? Can you see me? Can you feel me? Can you be me? I want you. I love you. I welcome you. I am you. Articulate I would have turned them down but it would have been nice to know I was invited. When those two
get together you just know something will get broken. I came inside from smoking because my fingers were getting cold. I have
such a crush on him that it makes me feel dizzy. He pisses me off so much my ass itches. You get near that tree, bitch,
and I will squirt you with water. Just say something nice to him for once, you asshole. When I feel this way it’s best
for me not to leave the house. Thinking of Never Sinking Writing, painting, creating works of energy. Music does in fact soothe this savage breast of mine. All alone in a room full of others. Hold my hand and I will tell you a secret. A pocketful of memories slipping from my hand. Cutting one out to allow another one in that special place. Oh, the sights and sounds that have been hidden from me. Bottle my joy and give it to the lonely souls. Good Day My inside self is justified. I don’t have to pretend. Closeness is a good thing. Kaleidoscopes of hope. Evening calmness. You possess such light, and wisdom. Never shall you wonder alone. Diamonds are nothing compared to your smiles. Supporting me gently, when and if I need a friend. Emulate you I shall. Evermore we will speak. Time or distance is no matter of mine. American I love that song. It reminds be of Beat Club and being on that commercial. I was once on the news. I should’ve been the news. I have gorgeous eyelashes. I have the kindest face. I want to go run naked in a field of poppies. But I’d rather smoke them. I lit a candle for them today. I rang the small bell to say hello to her. Running fingers over your image is enough to bring it all back. Please hold on forever. I am twisting and turning to the music. I have swift feet and a sweet ass. Don’t matter what sex you are, only that you swing. Swing the heartache, and shake it till you break it. Questions Questions Questions Questions The entire god damned time I just know that the sky above is so bright And the ground underneath feels so light Take my hand Quickly now Hold on tight Place your heart gently now for the night I look upon your innocent face And inside me feels like moving in space Take my hand Quickly now Hold on tight Lift me up and help the badness within to erase (Questions) (Questions) (Questions) (The entire god damned time) Motion in action not to be late Do you believe in a little thing called fate? Take my hand Quickly now Hold on tight Filled with love and no more hate Cold The early darkness makes me tired. The late hours excite me. When you hang with a bad boy things quickly go awry. I must sleep to escape. I must bath to cleanse. It is the perfect time of year to plant tulips. The sun shall return. I promise you this. Control We Are Here My laughter makes me leak I like when my eyes roll back I got no room in my hands of which to speak Push forward and give me no slack I can feel the increasing heat I am over my top Break that back where the mind and body meet I won’t take no slop I must listen as you should Waiting in vain Suffering in vain It’d be damn nice if you could I keep your secrets in a box For only me to see Sucking down promises and chewing on rocks Realizing only myself with glee I found a feather and was told its good luck Sipping on something sweet Get on ready for the nip and tuck And strut that shit down the street What am I to do with all this change? Do you even remember my name? We don’t take small bills here And we’ll never remember the way 12/23/07…..with Philip Andringa Please Black and white are not colors. They are the presence or absence of light. I want to paint with you. Please. We shall use lots of red. Let’s feast on the salty. Sip sweet wine. Dark and thick. Please. Your hair sparkles in the moonlight. Everyone stares and questions. Only a few understand. Or even care. Please. Scratch my spot. Thank You Thank you for these gifts we are about to receive Rings true with me often I shall stand tall I shall accept the all of it Remembered dreams As thin as a butterfly’s wing I will know you I will be by your side Smokey curls Give way to divination I do call you friend I do smile with my eyes wide Life is a spinning shiny circle Of love and of light I know my place I know about such things as these Run I swear to God And you do too Feasting on the hog Until you turn blue She wants to run in the rain Soaking wet Hop a train And never be the same Her bright beacon Has no hope She has weakened Even with the doctor’s dope She wants to take a long drive Far way from here Struggling to stay alive With all those tears She needs to find a way To mend the shards To learn again to play I promise that it won’t be hard
Alone Alone in the dark with only my thoughts to keep me company. Candles burning down with a slow elegance. Music near my heart plays softly in the background. Not really thoughtful. Just letting time pass. As the old say goes, I have an itch to scratch. And it’s quite possibly you, my friend. Tell Me How Tell me how To start And to end I can hear you Knocking Waiting to be let in I am low I am high I just need a friend Tell me how To start And to end I can see you In the shadows Smelling of sin I see the scents Following me Behind this mind bend Tell me how To start And to end Energy and fear For all An eclectic blend Answers given And questions no more For this is my changing wind Point It is inherently evil
and yet I lay with it I have forgotten the words
to utter
so I simply bare the pain They say you have to invite a demon in to be its victim Sucking down bitter words of thick regret The future is not written in blood I am dancing as fast as I am able Take Take me to the garden Take me to the sea Take me away So I can be me We shall come alive We shall listen to the beat We shall not waver Steady on our feet It is in you It is never too late It’s before you Open the gate Look at mirrors Look at the clouds Look at you We are allowed No time for roses No time to rest No time at all to Soothe these savage breasts. Or So I Am Told I hate shopping except when I am with you. Then everything looks interesting. We are so close. We even share seeing black cats stroll by. Our time together it well spent. I can leave my mask at home. Nearing you is like a holiday. Thick paint under our nails. Words spinning slowly in our heads. Our collaborations are testimony to dreams. I love you as much as I love cigarettes. Ache Initially not knowing what to say Forgetting to fully Understand how deep it is Come now please Knowing that my Ego is a Disassociated mess Unafraid of the People that we are Spiral Don’t take me down and around You have to understand I don’t like it here Dispensed advice Falls on unwilling ears Feeling up and uncut Grant me sweet dreams That I will remember Just to dance in the rain Without feeling alone Feeling strong and looking long You have to understand I do like it here Looking inside And finding my own way The Deity Hear me, Oh Goddess Eternal flickering Light my way Patience I crave Motherly warmth Envelopes me whole Hold on with Attributes and reasoning Teach me to seek Hands on my face Oh, so gentle Remembering our time together Allowing myself to branch New walls to scale Damns to wade through Sending and receiving Eclectic bonding Evermore, I am at your service 1/25/08 September I walked in the dark Alone Ravaged by a shark To the bone Thoughts quickly found Flash Screaming the only sound From the gash My pleas were ignored Car Passengers aghast aboard And gunning far I open my mouth to the sky Dark Will I ever know why? I was the mark Yes Sugar on lips Hands on hips Circle round Moan a delightful sound Big Red Purple Like a bruise With nothing to lose See up and down Spin it round Juicy Wet Sweet Drink in the sheen Uncover the mean Tumble upon The breaking dawn New Gift Tender Feel the wind To give and to send Please the above With no limits love Rock Rock me Sock me Go ahead and lock me I can breathe underwater (for hours) Bite me Smite me Go on and right me (if you must) Oh Lord I am tired and bored Show me something (anything) Shock me Block me Go ahead and fuck me I can be real (and more) Fight me Light me And watch me burn (for hours) Oh Lord I am tired and bored Show me anything (something) Storm Be careful If you choose to let me in You shall never shake me Completely I have seen the light Many times I can suck your pain thru a straw And enjoy every sensation Tackle me And shackle me As we know what dwells within I must be reminded That you are not the enemy For I will attack at will And more Painting myself into a corner Heals My racing storm Never leaves me Such Things No matter where I turn I am stuck In the thickness Of such things The shelf above Is a lonely place Waiting patiently Holding no expectations Of regrets past Nor those to begin I want to donate my share Of the weight Of such things BOUND You keep me inside Away from it all Like a child bride Ready for the fall I want to play Take it all in And have my say There is no sin Don’t lie to me For I know you I shall be free I hear what’s true Looking for touch Above the rest Wanting so much This savage breast Light I live above and below myself Cat-like reflexes in the night Whispers of a time long ago Fading Grasp them quickly and show me my way My light reflected in your eyes Rainy Day I know you can hear me But can you feel me? Caught in the heavy rain that day My heart that is You built a fire That burns like I do Flames licking Flesh melting together No words spoken For they were not needed We were moved that afternoon In all directions I am remembering With a shine of memories Long gone The rain hides the tears Of our destiny Break There has been a break here Cavernous, you could say I am holding on fiercely Day by day Forcing smiles A friendly greet I stretch my arms I plant my feet Everywhere I go Shadows follow me For the wall is so high My heart can’t see I look around Silently mouthing why I have been here before Moving softly by Mirror I fell from grace Thankfully, she is not so tall She comforts me Scream me up a fire I have such chills Blue-black hair to the wind Oh, yes, you heard me right The first time Stretched too thin My wrists wrapped in beads Losing your wounds is hard work I am happy The mirror was shattered long ago You heard me right The first time Cut and Paste I am walking on broken shards of promises. My blood leaves a trail. They say the first cut is the deepest. Stupid motherfucker rolls easily off my tongue. What did you do to make her so angry? In a cocoon of days gone by. Talking to the walls and writing down the answers. Placing hands on myself to make sure I am real. Breathing in hot thick air. Caught in a blizzard of whys. Floating in a smoky cloud. Thoughts turned wicked. Calling upon the touching stones I have in my possession. Digging deep for the glue to mend such things. Peace shall come. Piece by piece. Idle Chat Nice analogy you have there He was a breeze to raise Except for a few years in the teens When he was possessed Life happens And never stops I just can’t stop listening to DFA 1979 We are glad you are better You practically have to breaststroke thru it I am so sorry man Life happens Are you new? I have a tribe to protect I am never alone They managed to work it out Good night and good day More I feel like starting anarchy Panic attracts The heat washes over my face in waves My second mouth speaks Yet, no one listens Like to like Side by side Hand to hand Blood and sacrament This is old school To me To you To them I wake up at Feeling empty I want more I expect more I will have more Panacea Staring Listening Smoking you in Wondering Do you really know What the hell you are talking about? A palm full of colors Four times a day Is what you recommend Why don’t you just put a bell on me? Making it harder For me to wander off I am not in the mood To train yet another one of you You speak of shiny promises Believe me when I tell you I have heard it all And I have tried it all News I got news My heart is bruised The thoughts race on and on Memories before me I will be here And I was there I need you to listen I need you to believe Catch me for I am falling Pounding in my ears Rain covers me And hides my true feelings Baby Face Baby-faced Rebel, will get… You every time On his star Nearer than you think Intellect in hand with intelligence Sweet as honey Loyal as wishes Only dreams will see the… Vivid life Every time you close your eyes. Heartfelt Hot whispers Hard yet soft hands Flutters on the inside Gentle stirs A picture of you in a dusty frame Memories so thick One touch can start a fire And no one is to blame I have a painting for you And so much more Reaching out Above the blue My soul is shaking A certain part of me Unleashes the energy In the making Welcome to my place Gargoyles and dragons Candles and incense My hands on your face You don’t have to bleed For me Or for yourself Many will fill your need Walk a while with me Side by side Moving everything to the front I want you to see The hand you were dealt So heavy So full My words are heartfelt Stoic She gives it all away. Take her upstairs. Stay with her there. Regret tastes bitter. Words are swollen. Tomorrow is just past Cobwebs in the corner go untouched. Men are stoic about pain. Listen through your fingers. Take her upstairs. Stay with her there. Brush the mess. Eyes are best shut. Feedback hissing in the background. Endless visions of the stars. Push on through the waters, never give up. Directions Just spit it out, please…if you don’t like the taste of me. Just remember that everyone has a reason. I will take a punch
to my throat over watching the news any day. Try to remember that somewhere the
sun is radiant. Never ever ever again. That is the way it has been. Never ever ever again. This is the way it has been. Just give it up, please…if you don’t you will cease to exist. Remember the Gods like to play games. I have heard that dancing
used to be considered a mental illness. Just remember that someone is always
watching over you. Justified The truth’s as sharp as the devil’s tooth An IV of sandalwood and vanilla killers by mouth Charred remains thrown in a river Smoking, smoking, smoking Feline ways Stroking, stroking, stoking Hello my shattered friend Stepping backwards is easier for me to walk Not having to look both ways is a blessing Smoking, smoking, smoking again Smoking, smoking, smoking again Need some stroking, stroking, stroking again Turn me upside down with your stories No worries Jasmine nights are coming Just watch the moon with me I like to spell things out but you know that Never left behind or alone Smoking, smoking, smoking for ever Smoking, smoking, smoking for ever Harder My heart is screaming so loud I can barely hear my own thoughts. I will let my hands talk for me for the time being. My body birds screech for more. Harder! Harder! Harder! I fucking hate when forces smack me across the mouth and then kick me in the teeth without my permission. My skin is cool and smooth to the touch despite my raging blood. Plethora Patience is a virtue that I just visit. Crush it up and smoke it, I will take that hit. Trust is something I seek especially when served hot. Hold me gently, hurt me not. Regrets are best swallowed whole. The long nights take a toll. Greed is something I don’t miss. I want to trip along in bliss. Secrets are wonderful to keep near. Show me the way, show me clear. Moving and churning away. Each and everyday. Inside
of me – Lyrics I wake
each morning with a monkey on my back. That
fucker just won’t cut me any slack. I don’t
know what day it is anymore. Take
my hand, reassure, reassure. CHORUS:
In in
in in inside of me! Oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh…inside of me! In in
in in inside of me! I sleep
at night, with
my eyes closed tight. I dare
my dreams to seed. I’m
only happy when I bleed. CHORUS
X 1 You need
to remind me, that
you are not the enemy. When
I look into the future, it’s
all a fucking blur. CHORUS
X 2 Exit My mind jabbers and chatters on Cold sober and asinine thoughts Sprinkled with cynicism An amalgam of hope threads through me Perhaps a conviction lies in wait I know my real name And acceptance is taped to my wall Cheer swells within my body Ground revisited and welcomed I have poems in my head Exit stage left 4/9/08 Opinions Vary I have too much In my head For one person Hold onto this string So I don’t float away Let’s go to Bubba’s And eat fresh from scratch Doughnuts We can make love in the park I know of a place I need brand new shinys Let’s stay up and watch the sunrise While we drink mimosas Some people say I am crazy Opinions vary Secret I got sugarplums ‘round my hips Sticky sweet honey on my lips Flowers braided into my hair My lovely feet are bare I have a secret And I will keep it You have been close to my heart From the very start I have an apple on each cheek For I am fragile not weak A stone in my pocket Emptiness in the heirloom locket Show me the sun Be my only one I have a secret Can you keep it? Convoluted Controlled chaos? What the fuck? Did you really just say that? I would not read his blog if you paid me. Tell me your second favorite. Because that is the one you really love. You always know… Just how to aggravate (elevate?) me. He is such a fucking liar. Let him come… And box up these memories. And, no, I did not name my son after him. Mashed Potatoes I like a little compassion served up with my mashed potatoes Anything interesting happen today? I was hoping to live vicariously thru you I like a nice aged cheese with my thick red whine Have you checked the mailbox? I was hoping that someone sent me some love I like you more than you know with my tattered and patched heart Did you see the full moon? I was hoping to share it with you Shifting First They say the world would end in 2000 And life would cease to exist Hmmm The passing of the time Was but a miniscule blip on the radar I don’t worry I have visions of Utopia Blessed and healthy and happy Now The prediction is an ending to life in 2012 Shifting the date to keep me awake Free You were annoying at best And cruel in the least In this pumping heart Is a bountiful feast Be careful what you wish for You might receive it A plethora of emotions Chomping at the bit What you said What you did What you thought What I heard What I felt What I sought A whirlwind of words An excuse for every time You ran away From the scene of the crime I am wiser now I know what is to be I have made many notches And now I shall be free Sense Tread lightly upon my broken glass Speak softly to my raw ears Touch me where I am free of bruises See me for whom I truly am Breathe in the fragrance of my rainy spring day Step though my vine covered veil Voice your words from your personal sage Reach out and touch fire Inhale the smell of dusk Wired I am old and tired Insane and yet hard-wired Running amuck Especially when I don’t give a fuck Paints and papers and pens Shall erase my sins Beware of my times When I can only speak in rhymes For I will push you to the edge From my exalted ledge I will give you a bright smile All the while I am thinking of how To kill you now Try to get in with your might For my mind has become tight I am old and tired Insane and yet hard-wired Gone You would not believe what happened today I masturbated your memory away It was so much fun There was not even a hint of guilt once I was done Even though you were repeatedly great in the sack I am glad to have you off my back Remember all that doggy-style? I just wanted to avoid your smile Go ahead and call me a cunt For I am wide-eyed and ready to hunt I trust in my new feeling That I shall never again count the cracks in your ceiling Smoke and Choke Smoke it Smoke it And choke on it There is more than one way to get a high Eat it Eat it And repeat it There is more than one way to get your fill Feel it Feel it And heal it There is more than one way to get salvation Above it Above it And love it There is more than one way to your heart See it See it And be it There is more than one way to get to God Crick I have not joined them I am my own gang You know That I know I broke the code That crick He has read too much Ayn Rand And took it all to heart We all have our own fan clubs But they tend to emotionally vomit on us Don’t you tell me not to touch you You were crying There is treasure there Hanging out of your pocket Tuck it in, baby Under Glass I put my heart in a bag and threw it at your chest. I missed and hit you in your leg. All my lies I was only trying my best, and
all your lies you were only to get my rest. I dyed my hair to please myself not you. Your ID runneth over and splashes upon the sheets. The
$90 gray wool fuck-me pants were for me, to
gawk at in the mirror. (But feel free to runneth your hand over me in them.) Mouths tasting of butterscotch, mint, cigars and whiskey. Undercover and under your covers is a safe place. And, by the way, it’s a fucking glass of red wine, not a red glass of wine. You
know, you’re about as easy to swallow as fucking broken glass, but at least you don’t taste like much else either,
you buttoned down momma’s boy. Judge You are quick to judge, and easy to see through. If a thirsty man asked you for water, you would laugh at in his poor face. When people are in distress, you are nowhere to be found. You sit comfortably in your seat on the bus. A pregnant woman had to stand, and pray not to fall down. When you open your wallet. All the presidents squint. If I was dying and asked you for a smoke, you would blow smoke rings in my face. I am so glad you found your own way out, of my life. Wait Wasting my precious time Here alone with my mind Etching words Regurgitating bits and pieces Every candle it lit And the burning is pleasant Rehearsing what I will say Emotions full shaken and stirred You share a good stream Of knowledge and thought Understand that tonight my time is in line. Kill You kill me with your wit. Open your hand and… Utter my name. Kill your cluttered mind. I know I can help you. Lazy and crazy with… Lovely smiles. Mediocrity brings us nothing. Ever share your cunning laughter? More than you expected… And less than perfect. No one would have it any other way. Frown One last moment is all I need. One last glance at your eyes lit up with greed. One last candle burns down. One less smile, one less frown. One less worry to be found. One last shared breath. One last little death. One last pause, one last linger. One last time to raise your finger. One less caress. For I gave you my best. One less smile, one less frown. One less worry to be found. The One is near me and surrounds me. Butterscotch Butterscotch kisses At My hands upon your arms I look up and see Jesus I look down and see our crashing skulls Whip it up Lick it up Keep it up I don’t want to take it That’s all I said I am a good person Really, I am Thank you for smiling upon me Whip it up Lick it up Keep it up Tired Kindness is tired. So very tired. You have to look, hard, these days, for the good. For the God even. For the happy family. For the friends, that make you laugh, until you cry. Most people just want to be heard. From the inside out. Smiles, heavy, with hope. Lift the weary up. For they are not weak just tired. So very tired. Are You? Are you holding your tongue, or biting it? Are you looking forward, to inviting it. Because I will rise to the challenge. And challenge you to rise. I will never reveal my sources. Don’t pick that open sore with me. Are you smelling, your victory? Is it me? You really see? Beg me and I will whisper, in your ear. I can smell your jasmine breath. Oh so near. Are you strapped in? Ready for the ride? For now, is not the time to hide. Drink of me. Sweet. Think of me. Complete. Continuity Five case managers in six months. Don’t talk to me about continuity of care. Into every life a little Maverick must fall. I have been in your system half my life. I have been above your ridicule just as long. I have been in your shoes a thousand times. I understand when the labeled crazy woman snarls, “Low class, devil ass”!!! The prophet has spoken to me. I have been at your mercy for decades. I have been at my top for just as long. I have been waiting for the continuity, the continuity of care. Piece A slice of lust Served piping hot Wiping the dust Off a plethora of not Building to a bust In that vulnerable spot Take me if you must For I am forever lost Peace of mind Piece of mind Peace of mind Break through my crust I understand you, somewhat The meeting is just My memories are store-bought Touch me and hold my trust Above my shiny spot I shall never rust For I am too hot Thank You Thank you for standing in the hot sun As all And as one For upholding my rights So I can sleep soundly Throughout my nights Thanks you for wading thru murky waters As my sons As my daughters For going without So that I may prosper And have no doubts Thank you for giving 110 percent As my lover As my parent For protecting me So I can walk the streets unafraid So that I may be free Saving I am saving all my kisses for you For your mouth is as sweet as spring dew I am patiently waiting for you to smile Laughing and touching over and over and all the while I am dancing in place For you in my heart I shall make a space I am anticipating that touch For I crave it so very much I want you to see the bright the brilliance of you and me Faith and Face Faith and face Make for a shitty rhyme But, oh, such a good time The two combined Is sweetly divine Twisting and turning Begging and yearning A penny for your thoughts At this very moment That I breathe your breath That I share your air Lust and trust Make for a better rhyme And, oh, such a good time The two combined Is sweetly divine Twisting and turning Begging and yearning No Worries He is a slacker, with a job, so he thinks he is God. He keeps his conscience, in a velvet bag, deep inside his backpack. He made his own bed, of character and strength. No worries. No hurries. Life can be simple. He is a man now, with little fear, and great understanding. He keeps his heart, in his mighty hands, away from harm. He made a decision, to not die on the streets. Hypocrite Those that feel nothing Feel The most of all Seriously Bitch I don’t have any skills No one Told me that Must have been lady chat I am sweet And fun And have a lot of cats She is verbally abused On a regular basis Reach out To that one He was Shunned At the bar mitzvah Don’t talk to me And, yes I will smoke when I want Where I want How I want Smile and Run You blew so fast out of here You left your glass behind I close my eyes And drink from your well This morning we saw The lifting fog And my feet became heavy With dew Light Banishing The night You said Once That you would not hurt me At least not too bad I am not sure Whether to smile or run And Neither are you Time Mesh with me You know my soul My inner baby Accepting my hand Not judging my plan I see the warm light So comforting, so bright Hold me with weathered hands Understanding my need for all Releasing my freedom Time heals all wounds they say I say that is not the truth Nurturing is better and Gliding through time is the best Smoke I like to smoke I like to love I like to write I like to fight I like to learn I like to see I like to fuck I like to suck I like to smile I like to dream I like to listen I like to glisten Perfect Lyrics I’m perfect, I’m perfect I’m better than you I'm perfect, I’m perfect and now you’re screwed (Chorus) I’m perfect, I’m perfect I have a small waist I’m perfect, I’m perfect I give great face I’m perfect, I’m perfect Don’t you hate I’m perfect, I’m perfect I don't have to masturbate I’m perfect, I’m perfect I’m better than you I’m perfect, I’m perfect and now you’re screwed (Chorus) X 2 Training I had to leave and be alone The numbness is taking over Alone Not lonely Depressed I am depressing me My toolbox is empty I need a handy man One I can trust with my fragility I want peace I want joy As much as the next person I feel the pain Like a tight band around my chest Touch me gently Touch me firmly And Set me down easy Saving Me Pull me up from this shallow grave Established walls shall crumble and fade away Take my hand in yours, so warm Elusive emotions find a home I am satiated Sanctified So very protected Within your wings Evermore Eternity To take this step is to triumph The clouds clear On my rainy day Man so strong Encircling my battered heart with artist’s hands Softest Mommy She Offers the Finer Things in life to me Essential to my well being So very soft So very soft Mother Oh, how I love you Multitudes Magnitudes You are lovely Bells I hear the bells chiming in my non-existent womb. Whispers hot on my neck. Cracked glass under my feet. Fully alive and on. Gasping for air with my closed throat. Beating, beating my thumping chest. Arching my back. Releasing my wings. Closing my eyes to see you clearly. Muscles ache with my thoughts. Mouth tasting of metal. I want to walk on hallowed ground. Silencing the bells. Bent I want to fuck you till I cry I am not sure as to why Now I wanna be your dog Two sides of meat, together make one hog Maiden, mother, crone That family sure likes to bone Son, bachelor, bachelor forever Fucked for sure but fucking alone, never He is my secret friend And also my secret bent Made in Heaven! Assembled in Hell! New and improved! (But I’ll never tell) Taste me, taste me Go ahead and waste me Fucking ready, go get set, Because there’s dignity in labor And in labor there’s sweat Wake Me I am right where I want to be. By your side and freed. Patching your whole. Busting the mold. Seeing, hearing, feeling. It’s above being real. Shake me, take me, gently awakening me. Touch my secret. Touch me deep. Hold me fiercely in my sleep. My Choice You lay on my floor Broken Unspoken I love you more than cool rain I learned that you are quite insane I hid your drink You told me to think About this mess This overwhelming test Or faith Turn your face To me and tell me again About your every sin For there are no lies As I stand by your side Babe Suck the marrow out my bones. Yes, dear. Suck it promptly, Mr. Jones. Perhaps I did not make myself clear. You ask me which way, first. And I say, top, bottom and then reverse. Blown up roses. Plenty of thorns. Bygone psychosis. I have released my scorn. I love you awful. I love you true. I am full. I am with you. Listen She is like a fucking A god damned greyhound on crack. Pisses me off with her manic ways. Get on that fucking bus. You cunting sod. You god damn gopher faced fat bitch. I am bitter? You think? At least I can keep my mouth closed. You overblown ego-maniacal lactating cow of a human. You are the perpetual professional victim. Turn it. Burn it. Learn it. Earn it. Get on that fucking bus. You cunting sod. You god damn gopher faced fat bitch. 7*10*08 Hand in Hand Help me, help me, help me! Elevate me. I long for your taste. Slashed smiles for many. Miles ahead. Yes, yes, yes! My undying wishes. Underneath bursting moons. Sweet ice blue eyes pierce me. Expectations go hand in hand this day. Island Blue Strange is good in my book. Life and language can be simple. Time only soothes you. Beyond your savage breast. Friendships formed over words of wisdom. Furious fingers tapping against my open door. Build a house of memories. A garden of blissful intent. Laughter peals within the walls. Understanding is wrapped in a shiny new box. Shared voices on a lonely cold night. Dreams unraveled at their feet. Inhaling the thick fog. Silence is most golden. Step lightly and yet step forward. Watch for the hero around the corner. Strange is still good in my book. Life and words are my saving grace. Time just makes it easier on you to speak of soul. Within your savage breast. Land I turned my head and you were there. Birds in my blood and electric air. Past times meld into the now. Our future is held as I place my palm to your brow. Hold me close. Take my hand. Be my dose. Be my land. Achingly torn apart. Coming together. Stone by stone to start. Giving you the world forever. Hathor, to me, spoke of you. I have waited. Patience has become my virtue. So many moons bursting unabated. Hold me close. Take my hand. Be my dose. Be my land. I love you today. I love you all night. I love you always. Everything shall be set right. Blend into me. Come to my show. You have set my beating bleeding heart free. This I know. Hold me close. Take my hand. Be my dose. Be my land. It Yearns I named my kid after God And so should you Motherfucker Oh God, it’s you again And again My roots, hate you My dog, hates you My landlord Well, he hates me But a cold beer fucking rocks on a hot day You know it does motherfucker Don’t deny me Don’t deny me It hurts It burns It sucks It yearns Dusty Bat Dizzy with your smell. I am in a forest. Surrounded by your ancestors. A ring that spins upon itself. Symbolism is alive. And in our ears. Sweet water on tongue. Sinking into your madness. Shoulders held back. The statue will crumble. Under too many rains. Time never stops. You saw my words. Written on the wall. Fear always carries hope. You kept my habit. Warm and safe and sound. A dusty bat in the attic tells all. Vomit (lyrics) You say reading my poems made you vomit. This makes me happy. So very happy. I did my job. And I did it well. Stupendous. Tremendous. So very fine. A reaction to a situation is always unknown. Are yet all are welcomed. Even expected. Rarely worshipped. And I do it well. Stupendous. Tremendous. So very fine. Stupendous. Tremendous. So very fine. I do it well. I do it well. I do it well. Stupendous. Tremendous. So very fine. HEM Answers Behind her diminutive mouth And questions Building within You know her name Greetings heard Inside the Mother Reaching for Longing for Bush, lyrics you are up there amongst the bold baring teeth bought and sold pushing buttons for personal reasons choking me each day and each passing season chorus: chuck it up quit fuckin’ up ya god damned bitch suck it up chuck it up quit fucking up ya god damned bitch see the morning after the blast watching the girls as they go past because of you I know my fate so sadly sitting in the stands with your fucking daddy chorus x 2 sitting in the stands with your fucking daddy sitting in the stands with your fucking daddy sitting in the stands with your fucking daddy First Light Keep me busy After a fall Keep it interesting Or it will kill you God, this is So fucked To document all With this mask on I saw her yesterday So stars Hollow eyes With fire skin The miss the painting But not the man I left a coin And shuffled away Listen to the blood Lift it up Take me down Hide me well Prone I thought about killing her But I had new shoes on They pushed forward With their claws thrust inside I rose above myself The taste was so exquisite Moving My mouth Over and over Still Stumbles I am tired of my skin The sights rip in layers I begin to run No longer prone To my vices No longer aware Of what I have become It Will Happen Watching his eyes widen with lust, I daydream of blades and salt. Swatches of hair, stuffed in a poppet. He fucked me raw. And I loved it. Hearing that, I was forced to breathe. I spun like a doll, in my shiny new dress. And long thin straps, cruel on my feet. Under the water, It’s warm, it’s safe. I don’t have to dance. I don’t have to wait. Burn I ate your candy, it made me sick I prefer to be served I expect you to be quick I got exactly what I deserved I sped away From it I run I promise not to let it stay I just want to touch the sun I have to learn Why I must burn To cry Shades This is shades Shades of how you treated me before Shades of how you left me when I needed you most Shades of what will happen again Support is something I only dream about from you Always so quick to play the martyr It’s like second nature to you So very natural, so very true You want me to get you Really get you And yet you turn Turn away when I hurt Never again I will never love again It’s too disappointing It’s not enough The absence and presence of light Fight or flight Shades to pull down Shades of my future Invaded Why do you do you gaze at me with alarmed eyes? Why do I make note of such things and make lists of what is to pass? Inside me. Part of me. Spider webbed. It’s all been said. I want you to be the gallant, the wizened. I want you wrapped fine, tightly. I stand alone. Feelings are close to the bone. I feel allowed. Fulfilled and proud. All Fuckin’ Day (lyrics) You say You say You say it all fuckin’ day You say You say You say it all fuckin’ day To love me is to love my pain To love me is to love my visions To love me is to love my delusions To love me is to love my dreams You say You say You say it all fuckin’ day You say You say You say it all fuckin’ day To love me To love me To love me is to love my dreams My dreams My dreams All fuckin’ day All fuckin’ day My dreams My dreams My dreams All fuckin’ day My dreams My dreams My dreams Dollar Bill Someone stole my dollar that Moby signed. And all my cool aluminum cups went missing. “Give me a ride, give me a ride”, he whined. Bandage my boo-boo and don’t forget the kissing. I must listen to Skin, over and over again. Play Never Tear Us Apart at my wedding. And Soulfly at my funeral. I do have experience with the violent. In I know from whom that message was sent. You Treat Me Like a Disease. A Cutting I see you misshapen. Cut at an angle. Utter just one small sin. Truly yours, truly purple. Minimalist. You spot it’s the triumphant best. Explore and reject your fist. (Yes, please, now). Erasure from mind is simplest. Most Days - lyrics I exercise extreme control. Most days. It seems. I know you do the very same thing. Most days. It seems. Chorus: Most days. I don’t dream. Most days. I scream. Most days. It seems. I pretend to hate myself. Most days. It seems. I can feel the glare of all. Most days. It seems. CHORUS X 2 Effigy He used to listen to The Cure. They built an effigy of him. His favorite scent was fire. And that was never addressed. She dreamed of solar curtains. Sublime would apply to her. Far from frail. This was never a topic of conversation. He kept her veil in a wooden box. Hating the myriad of complications. A plethora of regrets. And nothing, just nothing. She was on the news with a gaping gash. And lived to speak about her dreams. A collection of skulls in all manner of sizes. This was not considered odd. He made a soundtrack of himself. That was not dirt under his fingernails. Three streets down. And adjust your gaze high. Cease
Fire let me sleep down here where dried
flowers rest let me slumber on your warm shoulder a tiny sigh of gratitude Let me lie here with myself and the willows Jammed Up Jammed up toes Upturned liquid nose No to eating Knock up a beating I just know Everything’s too slow She has a thick skin Scratches from the pin Underneath the rain cloud Ceasing to be proud Kindly read aloud Name – lyrics He knows it He knows it He knows it all, alright He knows my secret name Tonight Full of, full of Blame Full of, full of Shame Full of, full of My name He knows it He knows it He knows it all, alright He knows my secret name Tonight Full of, full of Blame Full of, full of Shame Full of, full of My name Full of, full of blame Full of, full of shame Full of, full of my name My name My name My secret name My name My name My secret game My secret game My secret game Blue I love your hands on my face impressions left crumbs of taste the feast the feast of love blue sky no clouds so blue so blue above you taught me to slumber to dig in deep closed eyes speak of acceptance complete I Don’t Know (lyrics) Walking blind Boiling rage Looking behind Drinking in my cage I fear to find the darkened page chorus: I don’t know I don’t know I just don’t fucking know I don’t know I don’t know I just don’t fucking know You You I don’t know you Sleeping sound Not too late I drink around Feasting of my hate I have no bounds And it’s way too late Chorus x 2 Snap It - lyrics Why, of course they do Of course they do All of the time On my time So you say Each cathartic day Snap it Snap it Snap it with those eyes for me Snap it Snap it Snap it like a motherfucker Snap it Snap it with those eyes for me Snap it Snap it Snap it like a motherfucker Each cathartic day So you say Each cathartic day So you say Each cathartic day Each cathartic day Each cathartic day Snap it bitch Got To Love That Unforgiven? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5? On a Saturday night. Oh so special. Explain expository to me again. Please. You’re my admiration. Even though, you brought knives to school. Who? The Dahlia Lama? What did you say? Is it 11/08 or 08/11? You are so damn European. I got the boot. There is no sense, in mentioning it. Again and again. Oh yes. For a couple weeks, this has been going on. I spoke too soon. Perhaps. Will you forgive me? Discord If I wiped the dust from your breast, would you breathe easier? As you were. Before. I have to self-medicate to keep you safe. Never a waif. Purposefully. Too much stimulation and discord for me. Do you see? Dedication. A gambit usually carries no implication of sacrifice. To happen twice. Murder. Alleviate this knotty place I have found. Up and around. Cocoon.
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